Club Silencio

Obscure Beauty: Martha (1974)

2012-01-29T03:52:00.005-06:00

Obscure Beauty: 2046 (2004)

2012-01-28T23:19:00.014-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Rosemary's Baby (1968)

2012-01-27T00:46:00.011-06:00

Obscure Beauty: World on a Wire (1973)

2012-01-16T22:16:00.011-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Lola (1981)

2012-01-16T15:18:00.014-06:00

Skin Flicks

2012-01-13T17:53:00.017-06:00

Ironically the noticeable omission here is John Waters, only because these are from his own Cecil B. Demented. Other absentee auteurs: Kubrick, von Trier, Argento...

Who else has the body of art to deserve body art?

Obscure Beauty: Black Christmas (1974)

2011-12-24T05:01:00.014-06:00

"It's me. Billy."

Obscure Beauty: The Whip and the Body (1963)

2011-12-22T17:40:00.010-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971)

2011-12-20T18:12:00.010-06:00

Obscure Beauty: The Perfume of the Lady in Black (1974)

2011-12-20T18:01:00.015-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Black Sunday (1960)

2011-12-19T16:38:00.010-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Blood and Black Lace (1964)

2011-12-16T03:21:00.016-06:00

Dracula Bites

2011-12-15T15:16:00.005-06:00

Oh Dario Argento... Gone are the days of your masterful mood and mystery, but you still hire your daughter to get her tits out.

Dracula 3-D looks to be some stilted, amateurish, Phantom of the Opera kind of awful. Which is to say, it will be a dreadfully good time, emphasis on the dreadful. You'd think pairing a world class director with an iconic character would bring about some spectacle, but it looks like the budget went entirely toward... I don't know... somebody's gambling debts?

Alas, I'm looking forward to the cardboard setting and pixelated gore in glorious three dimensions. Just as I mourned The Mother of Tears, Do You Like Hitchcock? and Giallo before it, Dracula 3-D promises the same kind of slapshod craftsmanship, with the same promise of unintentional hilarity. Bram Stoker just didn't have the balls to have his Dracula face a giant praying mantis.

Dario, I miss your arthouse horror masterpieces, but you do still make some of the best bad movies I didn't even think possible. You and Lucio Fulci have kept me on my toes. I just never know if I'm about to walk on elegant marble steps or through a steaming sewer of shit.

Obscure Beauty: The House With Laughing Windows (1976)

2011-12-13T18:30:00.016-06:00

Obscure Beauty: The Blood Spattered Bride (1972)

2011-12-13T18:23:00.010-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Sleeping Beauty (1959)

2011-11-29T19:46:00.011-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Pink Narcissus (1971)

2011-11-29T19:37:00.011-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

2011-11-15T14:44:00.019-06:00

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to violence. The word and the act. While violence cloaks itself in a plethora of disguises, its favorite mantle still remains… sex. Violence devours all it touches, its voracious appetite rarely fulfilled. Yet violence doesn’t only destroy, it creates and molds as well. Let’s examine closely then this dangerously evil creation, this new breed encased and contained within the supple skin of woman. The softness is there, the unmistakable smell of female. The surface shiny and silken. The body yielding yet wanton. But a word of caution: handle with care and don’t drop your guard. This rapacious new breed prowls both alone and in packs, operating at any level, any time, anywhere, and with anybody. Who are they? One might be your secretary, your doctor’s receptionist… or a dancer in a go-go club!”

Obscure Beauty: Lizard in a Woman's Skin (1971)

2011-11-13T05:19:00.020-06:00

Obscure Beauty: The Sect (1991)

2011-11-10T20:00:00.015-06:00

WTF cinema Italian style. Arguably the best movie wherein a woman is sex pecked by a mythical dream bird.

The Face of Fear: Troll 2 (1990)

2011-11-09T02:02:00.016-06:00

Discuss...

2011-11-08T18:06:00.008-06:00

Abducting Antonio Banderas and forcing him to love me @ Grauman's Chinese Theatre for AFI Fest's 25th Anniversary.

Also the 25th Anniversary of Pedro Almodovar's production company El Deseo and his early masterpiece Law of Desire (La ley del deseo)! The second collaboration for Pedro and Antonio Banderas, wherein Antonio goes gay... and crazy with desire! It's still resonant, funny and gorgeous after all these years. A poetic precursor to the themes still percolating in their latest collaboration, The Skin I Live In (La piel que habito). Law of Desire is a sensuous and soulful little classic. The emotions, colors and man candy pop off the screen!

They discussed how Antonio's frank sexuality was a challenge to viewers in 1986, but no one seemed to take issue with him tossing bodies off a cliff. They hugged, they charmed, we swooned. Almodovar teased Banderas would arrive early to dance naked for the audience. I, too, understood the true depths of desire...

Obscure Beauty: Possession (1981)

2011-11-07T15:23:00.028-06:00

Obscure Beauty: Johan (1976)

2011-10-18T18:44:00.016-05:00

Discuss...

2011-10-16T04:07:00.001-05:00

Obscure Beauty: Querelle (1982)

2011-10-10T15:35:00.026-05:00

"Each man kills the thing he loves."

Obscure Beauty: Paris, Texas (1984)

2011-10-07T17:04:00.032-05:00

"Then he ran. He never looked back at the fire. He just ran. He ran until the sun came up and he couldn't run any further. And when the sun went down, he ran again. For five days he ran like this until every sign of man had disappeared."

Don't Be Afraid of the Retro Posters!

2011-10-05T18:00:00.005-05:00

The Curse of the Living Corpse

"From out of the grave stalks
the creature that UNDRAPES
the passions of the living!"

I didn't lose my passion, it was simply undraped.

The Lure of the Triangle

"Loose lips sink ships...!"

Ahoy! We've spotted a landing strip!

The Legacy

"It's a birthright of living death..."

...The birthright of becoming

a crawling cat hand with emphysema.

I Like Bats

"Look into my eyes...
They're up here."

New Entries into the
TITLE HALL OF FAME:

Sex Wish

"Awaken your wildest fantasies-
All it takes is a cain, a briefacse and a..."

...Stranger who decides not to report you.

The Trouble with Young Stuff

"Tennessee Williams gone hard-core!"

Alternate Title: "The Ass Menagerie."

Who Did Cock Robin?

"Dripping with Freudian Reality"

Experience a Freudian slip...
And another. And another.

Funny Car Summer

From the makers of "Sad RV Winter."

-- Visit Wrong Side of the Art for more Retro Poster finds...

Obscure Beauty: Betty Blue (1986)

2011-10-05T02:02:00.025-05:00

"She was a flower with psychic antennae and a tinsel heart."

Obscure Beauty: Wizards (1977)

2011-09-21T22:52:00.028-05:00

Obscure Beauty: Grave of the Fireflies (1988)

2011-09-20T18:40:00.023-05:00

Discuss...

2011-09-20T17:45:00.001-05:00

Obscure Beauty: The Illusionist (2010)

2011-09-20T16:56:00.019-05:00

"Magicians Do Not Exist"

Save it for a rainy day when you're feeling very sad and French.

Discuss...

2011-09-20T16:00:00.000-05:00

Something Rank (#1)

2011-09-20T00:00:00.009-05:00

The countdown concludes. Phew...

Previous Entries:
(#36-33) (#32-29) (#28-25)
(#24-21) (#20-17) (#16-15)
(#14-13) (#12-11) (#10-9)
(#8-7) (#6-5) (#4)
(#3) (#2)

(#1) The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

"Who will survive? And what will be left of them?"

On August 18, 1973, John Laroquette narrated what could easily be the makings for the most somber episode of Night Court...

"The film which you are about to see is an account of a tragedy which befell a group of five youths, in particular Sally Hardesty and her invalid brother, Franklin. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected nor would they have wished to see as much as the mad and macabre as they were to see that night. For them an idyllic summer afternoon drive became a nightmare. The events of that day were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Sunbaked, moonlit macabre swirling about a chaotic Texas wasteland, Tobe Hooper's classic tale of, "An idyllic summer afternoon drive that became a nightmare," remains just as nerve-jangling, frenzied and fantastic as the day of its release. No matter the countless times teens have run out of gas in remote backwoods locales, the seminal film loses none of its visionary grit and bloodcurdling cosmic cruelty.

A spider's web of calculated madness unmatched in its subtle artistry and ferociously grim worldview, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre's horoscopes, hitchhikers and highway roadkill all prophesize of overpowering cinematic doom. Pro-vegetarian postulating, post-Vietnam visionary, a satire of the American family, or exercise in unfiltered fear... It's all there in this deceptively simple slice-and-dice masterpiece. No house of horrors tale has felt as disturbingly realistic or easily grasping of such bone-dried dread. The elegant atmospheric build, manic sound design, fly-infested imagery, Marilyn Burns' hysteric screams from the very bowels of hell, and Leatherface's saw buzzing through to another sunrise... There are few films as harrowing, historic and utterly untouchable.

Both cinematic and documentary-like as we enter a crime scene just as it becomes one. Grating Franklin as he wheels, squeals, and finds permanent handicapped parking. Epic Final Girl, Sally Hardesty (Burns), as she screams and runs and screams and runs and screams and screams and screams... The score composed of eerie flash bulbs, crackling branches, scraping bone and scratched metal. The deep rumbles of percussion accompanying the impossibly scorching sunlight or the oppressive full moon. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre builds to a crescendo of hopeless hysteria that leaves one buzzing with enough doom and adrenaline to far outlast Leatherface's chainsaw. Decades later it's still a terrifying family portrait that leaves viewers traumatized, tenderized, and hung out to dry.

The Face of Fear:

Killer Looks:

1) Leatherface "Daywear"

2) Leatherface, Ladykiller

3) Another day at the office

4) The Cook
Mean BBQ... And just plain mean.

5) The Hitchhiker

"My family's always been in meat."

6) Grandpa
Alive and (involuntarily) kicking

7) Grandma
She never did talk much...

8) The Sawyer Family Pooch
"Dog will hunt." Unless, of course, he's hollow.

My Thoughts Exactly...

Something Rank (#2)

2011-09-19T14:30:00.012-05:00

The countdown continues...

Previous Entries:
(#36-33) (#32-29) (#28-25)
(#24-21) (#20-17) (#16-15)
(#14-13) (#12-11) (#10-9)
(#8-7) (#6-5) (#4) (#3)

(#2) Halloween (1978)

"The Night HE Came Home..."

"The blackest eyes... The devil's eyes..." The eyes of an eight-year-old boy who saw to turning a holiday not for making profits but for making cuts. Who saw something more than pumpkins in need of being carved. A seasonal icon whose face is memorialized in shops across the country, in window displays, on mannequins, and under the heading "True Crime." How did Michael Myers have the foresight behind those alternatingly shallow and endless black eye sockets? To know he would become as crucial to seasonal carnage as the urban myth of the razor blade in the candy apple?

More of a "suburban" legend, Michael Myers' legacy has lingered like a madman in the shrubs. Simple family homicide that continues to tear his hometown to shreds. What began with a boy playing butcher knife in his sister's bedroom has evolved to Michael's "boogeyman"-level infamy. Was he ever really just a child or was it a mask all along?

John Carpenter's consummate chiller tingles with its equally iconic score, settling on a serene Americana as it settles into night. A surreal anniversary on neighborhood streets on the eve when, "Everyone's entitled to one good scare." Giggles of sugar-strung children streak through the Autumnal hues as a mental patient watches and waits, planning his trick. This time it's the horror genre's treat.

Like the holiday itself, John Carpenter's Halloween is all about the simple thrills. It's dressed up just enough to score all the goods. The seminal film uniquely pulses with tension as it leisurely stalks and stings its audience with a paranoia of the unknown in our own backyard. Atmosphere is essential to this otherwise simple story of stalk-and-slash, orchestrating what would become a terrifying brand name for suspense. Brainy/chaste babysitter Laurie Strode (the essential Jamie Lee Curtis) tends to the tots as they watch monster movies, unable to see the one building around her. Halloween effortlessly captures the palpable fear of shapes moving in the shadows, the raspy, heavy breaths on a telephone line, and the mysterious macabre of Midwest streets. With patience, persistence, and a passionate hatred for adolescents, Michael Myers transcended being just another small town horror story and became a historical horror icon. A face for the genre with simple, terrifying features.

The Face of Fear:

Killer Looks:

1) Michael Audrey Myers:
Haddonfield's own pride and killjoy

2) "Can't I get your ghost, Bob?"

3) William Shatner in the house

4) Face to... Face?

My Thoughts Exactly...

Up Next: (#1)

Catch "the buzz"...

Obscure Beauty: Walkabout (1971)

2011-09-19T04:00:00.006-05:00

"Please try. It's silly to give in now. It can't be much further."

Discuss...

2011-09-19T03:00:00.000-05:00

Obscure Beauty: Amer (2009)

2011-09-18T20:00:00.021-05:00

Profiles in Greatness: Jerri Blank

2011-09-18T18:00:00.017-05:00

JERRI BLANK
in
STRANGERS WITH CANDY (2005)

"Well... hello. I'm Jerri Blank and... and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also addicted to amphetamines as well as mainline narcotics. Some people say I have a sex addiction, but I think all those years of prostitution was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for heroin. It's kinda like the chicken or the nugget. The point is I'm addicted to gambling. Thank you. Oh... and uhh... my daddy's in a coma."

Nicknames: Mr. Blank, Fat Goblin, Chunk
Age: 46
Occupation(s): Student, Junkie Whore
Claim to Fame: "Born with a complete set of teeth. Medical marvel."
Education: Freshman, Flat Point High School
IQ: Pisces

LIKES...

Her Daddy
Crank calls
The drug trade ("I smuggled a lotta peppercorns across the straits of Sunda. Rough seas...")
Loyalty

"Let me tell you somethin'. I run a pretty tight posse, all right? Now if you wanna be part of the crew, you're gonna have to follow a few simple rules. All right? It's about gettin' caught and not tellin', killin' and not carin', and dyin' without fear. You down for bein' up for that?"

Boundaries ("You cross my chow zone again, you're gonna pull back a bloody stump.")
The Chow Zone ("I take chorizo and eggs on a flour tortilla. And go easy on the jalapenos. I got a bit of the -PFFT- squirties.")
Friendship

"You're like family to me. Well the white one. You darker ones are more like valued family servants."

Brason ("Check out the titties on that arm!")
Megawatti (see: Megatwatty)
Tammi "Tammelas" Littlenut

"Tell you what... Usually I look out for numero me. But I like you... You're sweet. So I just might be willing to take you under my spicy buffalo wing. Huh, butter chop? I'll never slap you around. Less of course you get out of line."

Tats
Monkeys hitting each other with violins
The demon with a hundred eyes

Nighttime

"In the slammer some of the best stuff we'd get done would be at night. We'd be mixin' up the Jungle Juice, we'd slap on the old transistor radios... Course we had to make our own batteries cause the bulls kept takin' the real ones. You could drop a couple D-cell batteries into a pillowcase and use it to shatter a Puerto Rican skull. Brittle skulls... Oh, the batteries. So... right. What we would do is we'd take our own poopers , we'd work it into a paste and that would be the alkaloid, right? Then we'd fold in some tinfoil for the cells, and for the acid we'd use our own spit... Battery. "

DISLIKES...

Surrogate Daddy and meat man, Stu
"Dick lick" half-brother, Derrick
Suprises ("Lets say I'm giving him a rusty trombone and he turns around and he tries to slap a dirty sanchez on me?")
Other cultures

"Geez, I thought you peoples had thicker than skins than that. Y'know, fightin' tigers in the jungle and all... Why doesn't anybody like me?"

Science fairs ("Nah, I'm thinkin' about pussy. Science fair's for queers.")
Science

"Science is so boring. Stupid science. What did science ever do for me? Hey, Bobo, would you hand me the TV clicker and the electric shaver?"

"I shook that monkey off my back a long time ago and I will NOT go down that road again! It led me to a dark place where I was sleepin' in the gutter and cookin' my breakfast up in a teaspoon. By the end I was barely human."

Accusations

"I hope you can back up that accusation with something other than a fact!... What are you saying? I sung like a canary? I'm squealer? A stooly? Well people like that are just scum to be scraped off the boot heel -- I did it."

Lessons

"I learned a valuable lesson. Tammelas, Megawatti... I'm so sorry for betraying you. For betraying my daddy. I sold you out because I wanted friends that were more attractive and popular than you. But I've changed. Now I know that I shouldn't feel the way I still so strongly do... Team?"

Judgement

"Now before you judge me, consider this. You're not so innocent yourself. I'm guessing you've done some pretty horrible things. Like the time you set that boat on fire and watched those Haitians panic. Oh wait... That was me. The point is you're a racist. Think about it. I haven't. Goodnight."

Obscure Beauty: Fantastic Planet (1973)

2011-09-17T13:25:00.001-05:00

"You must call him 'Fido' or 'Trusty.' Look how he squirms... He's a real terror."

Something Rank (#3)

2011-09-17T13:20:00.005-05:00

The countdown continues...

Previous Entries:
(#36-33) (#32-29) (#28-25)
(#24-21) (#20-17) (#16-15)
(#14-13) (#12-11) (#10-9)
(#8-7) (#6-5) (#4)

(#3) A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The shadows streak with the squeal of metal. A cloak of steam. The distant bleating from the lambs counted in slumber. Tearing into the light comes a claw clutched of razors, fashioned by skilled, burned hands. A brimmed hat hides a face glistening of wounds both fresh and ancient. In Dreams... he walks with you. In Dreams... he talks with you. In Dreams... you're His...

Freddy Kruger at his origin was a nightmare. Perhaps that's why he took so well to the surreal landscape of cinematic horror. Wes Craven's sleepless nights echo into the masses with A Nightmare on Elm Street and its dream demon conjured from the depths of hell and the high school boiler room. A story steeped in adolescent trauma passes it on to the public. A generational cycle of horror encompassed in its tale of a child murderer put to rest and the restless nights of soon-to-be-murdered children. A story of parents crimes revisited on their sleep-deprived children. A film about horrors of the playground via a horror film set in the playground of the mind... The mind of a child who's forced to be a parent through waking realities of divorce and alcoholism. A child with enough strength and smarts to wage war within her own subconscious.

And those special effects are nifty.

For more thoughts...

The Face of Fear:

Killer Looks:

1) Sandman Freddy Krueger.
No rest for the wicked...

2) Red Rover, Red Rover,
Send Freddy Right Over

3) Bad Boy to Hall Monitor

My Thoughts Exactly...

Up Next: (#2-1)

Midwest is Best for Mutilation

Obscure Beauty: My Own Private Idaho (1991)

2011-09-17T02:54:00.027-05:00

"I'm a connoisseur of roads. I've been tasting roads... My whole life. This road will never end. It probably goes all around the world."

We here at Club Silencio remember River Phoenix in the only way we know how... Exploitatively.

Commercial Break...

2011-09-17T02:00:00.001-05:00

Obscure Beauty: Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

2011-09-16T00:30:00.022-05:00

"By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something Wicked This Way Comes."

Profiles in Greatness: 'Jackie-O' Pascal

2011-09-15T19:00:00.018-05:00

'JACKIE-O' PASCAL
in
THE HOUSE OF YES (1997)

"Marty and I had just turned fourteen. We went to an Ides of March party and I went as Jackie Onassis. In a pink Chanel suit and a pillbox hat. And blood on my dress. Well, ketchup actually... And other stuff, too. Like macaroni, kind of glued on, like... brains. It was more tasteful than it sounds. Everybody remembers that day. Exactly what they were doing."

LIKES...

Her twin brother, Marty ("Pretend he's not my brother. I do.")
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
Sticky Tape ("Goo is what tape is all about. Goo is what makes it tape instead of paper.")
Her pink hairbrush

"It looked like a hairbrush. A brush you brush your hair with.... Yes, it was pink goddammit! It was pink! It was pink and now its gone!... I don't want a comb. I want a brush! Combs straighten your hair. I want it to gleam!"

Guns ("Just being gun-like. Gun-esque. Gun-onic.")
Watching soap operas
Baking brownies ("Normalcy is coursing through my veins.")
5th Grade Field trips to Washington, D.C.

"Have you ever been to Washington before? ... Not even on a field trip? Not even on a 5th Grade field trip? ... In 5th Grade? Really?... So you just snubbed it. You just snubbed your nation's capital."

Assassination Books ("A lot. Lincoln, McKinley, Kennedy, King... Kennedy.")
Speaking French
Playing "French Revolution"
Playing Assassination

"I didn't mean to maim you. I only meant to kill you... I've noticed Anthony wears a lot of layers around me. Don't you, Anthony? Look at him. He's got a T-shirt, a dress shirt, a vest and a jacket."

Piano
Mime
Her new meds

"They switched me! I used to be green, now I'm brown. I wanted pills to match my eyes. Color me beautiful."

Hurricanes

"We went to Virginia Beach and our motel was right on the water. Mom and Dad were drinking rum and Pepsi out of Styrofoam cups and giggling..."

"I'm talking about texture. I'm talking about texture. In the last hurricane we had ice! Mama and Daddy had a bucket of ice in a cooler down the hall! We'd just march down the hall whenever we had a yen for ice!"

DISLIKES...

Being "bourgeois"
"Love" ("Don't use that word. "Love" is for tiny people with tiny lives.")
Sincerity ("It's declasse.")
Honesty ("If people are going to start telling the truth around here, I'm going to bed.")
Doctors
Side-effects

"I spend most of my days with my head in the toilet bowl. Throwing up pills. I can't really think when I take the pills and a person needs to think. I mean if a person can't think, what are they?"

Marty's lizard
Marty's fiancee

"Don't leave this girl alone with any handsome deaf mutes, Marty. That's my advice to you."

Pancakes ("Pancakes. Pancakes, Marty.")
Pennsylvania

"I've never met anyone who's been to Pennsylvania. Much less been from Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania's just this state that gets in your way when you have to go some place else."

Flat seltzer

"She started screaming about bubbles. How there were no bubbles. So she started boiling the seltzer water. When the water started bubbling, she poured the boiling water back into the seltzer bottle. Which was... plastic.... and it started to melt, and kinda melted into her hand where she was holding it. She had to go to the emergency room with third degree burns. And on the way home, whenever Mom and I asked her a question, she'd tell us to, "Stop giving me the third degree!" Then she'd laugh... Kind of hysterically..."

Obscure Beauty: Parents (1989)

2011-09-14T01:30:00.014-05:00

"We've had leftovers every day since we moved here. I'd like to know what they were before they were leftovers."

Discuss...

2011-09-14T01:00:00.004-05:00

Obscure Beauty: Birth (2004)

2011-09-13T14:00:00.000-05:00

"You certainly had me fooled. I thought you were my dead husband...

But you're just a little boy in my bathtub. "

Profiles in Greatness: Corky St. Clair

2011-09-13T06:00:00.019-05:00

CORKY ST. CLAIR
in
WAITING FOR GUFFMAN (1996)

"Corky, without you there's no show. Without the show there's no celebration. Without celebration there's no Blaine. So you see how it's a domino effect... Y'know how dominoes do that? Without Blaine - I got news for ya - there's no Missouri! Blaine is the heart of Missouri. What happens if Missouri goes down? You tell me..."

On getting his start...

"I had been living in New York and working there as an actor, and I really felt I needed a change. I imagined, in my fantasy I suppose, that when I came here I would have a completely different life. Perhaps a construction worker or one of those guys that works on those high wire things that-- With the hard hat. Y'know, with that sweeping sort of hat. And, uhh... with the chaps. But that didn't really work out. I began to realize, I guess, that the theatre was still in my blood. And what I had to do was make use of that so... I offered my services to the high school here and they accepted. And I began to teach DRAMA. And within about six months I had formed the Blaine Community Players."

On his career highlight...

"My production on the stage of "Backdraft" was what really got them excited. This whole idea of "in your face" theatre really affected them. The conceptualization, the whole abstraction, the obtuseness of this production... To me was what was interesting. I wanted the audience to feel the heat from the fire, the fear -- because people don't like fire poked -- POKED in their noses. You know when you get a cinder from a barbecue right on the end of your nose and you kinda make that little face...? That's not a good thing. I wanted to have them -- The sense memory of that. So during the show I had someone burn newspapers and send it through the vents in the theatre. Well... they freaked out. Of course the fire marshal came over and they shut us down for a couple of days."

On rejection...

"Well, then, I just hate you... and I hate your... ass FACE!"

On being a struggling artist...

"So what I'm understanding here - correct me if I'm wrong - is that you're not givin' me any money. So now I'm left basically with nothin', I'm... left with ZERO, in which, in which -- What can I do with zero, y'know? What can I -- I can't do anythin' with it! This is my life here we're talkin' about here, all right? We're not just talkin' about... somethin' else. We're talkin' about my life, you know? It's forcing me to do somethin' I don't want to do. To leave. To go out and just leave and go home and say - make a clean cut here - and say, "No way, Corky! You're not puttin' up with these people!" And I'll tell you why I can't put up with you people. Because you're BASTARD people. That's what you are. You're just bastard people. And I'm goin' home and I'm gonna bite my pillow, is what I'm gonna do!"

On casting...

"I was shopping for my wife Bonnie. I buy most of her clothes. And Mrs. Pearl was in the same shop. And it was just an accident. We started talking... about pantyhose. She was saying -- Whatever... That's not the point of the story. But what the point is was that through this accidental meeting -- It's like, y'know... It's like a Hitchcock movie where, y'know, you're thrown into a rubber bag and put in the trunk of a car... You find people. You find them. Something... Is it karma? Maybe... But we found him, that's the important thing. And I got Bonnie a wonderful pantsuit."

On accepting a challenge...

"In a funny way, what the City Council did really gave me a challenge. And it's a challenge that I am going to accept. It's like in the olden days, when the... The days in France when the men would slap each other with their gloves and say, y'know, "D'Artagnan!" ... Y'know, "How do you talk to me like that, you?" And SMACK him."

On directing...

"Casting a show is really only the beginning of the process. There's also the whole design concept. What fabrics will work for the costumes. The lighting. And it really becomes a rasslin' match, I guess, between me and the muse of theatre. And most of all dance."

On preparation...

"I'd like you to close your eyes now and try something, all right? What are you thinking? What are you feeling right now with your eyes closed? ...Your first feeling was not that I was blowing on you, it was more like... Virgin Isles or Baha-manian. Or Arubian."

On remembering lines...

"What I'm saying is, if they're gonna forget it anyway, then what difference does it make? I mean -- You see what I mean? It's like one of those... It's like a... It's like a... a zen... thing! It's like, y'know... Y'know, how many babies fit in the, in the... tire... thing. That whole joke, y'know."

On nerves...

"This is like when you're getting your legs waxed and they rip that thing off real fast. That's what this is like."

On the future...

"'The Guffman News' is really big and I don't, truthfully, think that the cast understands how big. They don't know the New York thing. They haven't been through it and I have. Y'know, so it's kind of on my shoulders. And going to the Big Apple for the first time, y'know, is... such an experience. You never forget it. It stays with you for your whole life. Me, y'know, right out of the Navy. Fresh off a destroyer. With a dance belt and a tube of chapstick, basically. Y'know, not really much to call my own, and then basically being slammed down for ten or so years, y'know... Off off off off Broadway. And then enough is enough, okay? I get the joke. And... is that going to happen again? I don't know. And, I mean, I don't want it to happen again. In my deepest, deepest of hearts, I do not want it to happen again. Mr. Guffman brings with him a reputation. Something bigger than anyone in this town has ever known. And if I am to get back to New York City on my terms, I cannot deliver him a stinky product. I really have to be presenting him a package. A beautifully wrapped, glossy, sweet smelling show."

Obscure Beauty: Eraserhead (1977)

2011-09-13T05:08:00.017-05:00

"Mother, they're still not sure it IS a baby."

Profiles in Greatness: Dr. Lester

2011-09-12T16:00:00.012-05:00

DR. LESTER

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH (1999)

"I'm not Dr. Lester. I'm Captain Mertin!

It was ninety years ago that I discovered a strange portal and I found that this portal led me to a vessel body, and that I could live forever by leaping from vessel to vessel... This illustrates how I will move to my next vessel, Malkovich, on his 44th birthday. That's when he becomes ripe."

Age: 102
Business: LesterCorp, Mertin/Flemmer Building, 7 1/2 Floor

LIKES...

Floris

"She's not my secretary. She's what they call an 'Executive Liaison.' And I'm not banging her if that's what you're implying."

"Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz. If I was eighty years younger, I'd box your ears!"

Jerry's Juicateria on Lex
Carrot juice

"Lots of it. I swear sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. And I have to piss sitting down, like a goddamn girly girl, every fifteen minutes. But nobody wants to die..."

Graphic role play

"Nubile. Blonde. Wet with desire. Me in leather. A harness if you like. And all eyes, Craig, are upon me as I speak. "Ladies," I begin, "I am the love god Eros..." They like that. "I intoxicate you. My spunk is, to you, Manna from Heaven.""

DISLIKES...

Being incomprehensible

"Damn fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine... I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on that one. You see she's got her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. I apologize if you can't understand a word I'm saying... That's very kind of you to lie. See I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech."

Being a "link to history"

"I don't want to be your goddamn link, damn ya! I want to feel Floris's naked thighs next to mine. I want my body to inspire lust in that pitiful, complex woman. I want her to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy, Schwartz, as I penetrate her wet--"

Obscure Beauty: Wild at Heart (1990)

2011-09-11T02:00:00.003-05:00

Sailor: It's too bad he couldn't visit that ol' Wizard of Oz and get some good advice.

Lula: Too bad we all can't, baby.

Profiles in Greatness: Patrick Bateman

2011-09-10T19:00:00.015-05:00

PATRICK BATEMAN
in
AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)

"There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no REAL me, only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hold my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there."

Age: 27
Business: Vice President, Pierce & Pierce
Education: Harvard Business School
Address: American Gardens Building, West 81st Street, New York, NY

Patrick on Health...

"A balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine... In the morning if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now."

"After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer. Than an anti-aging eye balm, followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion."

On Food...

"You're going to have the peanut butter soup with smoked duck and mashed squash. New York Matinee called it a "playful but mysterious little dish." You'll love it. And then the red snapper with violets and pine nuts. I think that'll follow nicely."

On Fashion...

"Wear a dress, a skirt or something... Come on, you're prettier than that... And high heels. I like high heels."

"You've got to wear clothes in proportion to your physique. There are definite "do's and don'ts" to wearing a bold-striped shirt. A bold-striped shirt calls for solid colored or discretely patterned suits and ties."

On Politics...

"We have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race. Stop terrorism. End world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination. And promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people."

"Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job?... Is that why you lost it? Insider trading? Just joking... Get a goddamn job, Al! You've got a negative attitude, that's what's stopping you."

On Sex...

"I'd like a girl. Early 20's, blonde, who does couples. Couples. And I really can't stress 'blonde' enough. BLONDE."

"Sabrina, don't just stare at it. Eat it."

LIKES...

Crossword Puzzles
Fine dining
Foreplay ("That's a very fine chardonnay you're drinking. I want you to clean your vagina.")
Minimalist design
Musical theatre ("We went to a new musical called Oh Africa, Brave Africa. It was a laugh riot.")
Coloring

Journal writing
J&B straight and a Corona
Mineral water
Business cards ("Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my god... It even has a watermark.")
Deadlines ("I've got to return some videotapes.")
Cocaine
Sorbet
Trivia ("Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog - a collie - was named Lassie? Have you heard this?")

DISLIKES...

Dry cleaners ("It's cranberry juice. Cran-apple.")
Dinner reservations ("I'm on the verge of tears by the time we arrive at Espace since I'm positive we won't have a decent table. But we do. And relief washes over me in an awesome wave.")
Cash bars ("You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and then play around with your blood.")
"Jew" Jokes ("Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.")
"Tumbling, tumbling dickweed" Luis Carruthers
Paul Allen ("I'm at a loss. He was part of that whole... Yale thing... Well, I think for one that he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That Yale thing.")
Banking

FAVORITE FILMS & TV

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
Jeopardy
Inside Lydia's Ass
The Cosby Show ("You'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable down at Four Seasons in twenty minutes.")

FAVORITE ALBUMS

Fore!, Huey Lewis and the News

"Their early work was a little too... new wave for my taste. But when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own. Commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

In '87 Huey released this: Fore! Their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to Be Square." A song so catchy most people probably don't listen to the lyrics, but they should. Because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself."

Phil Collins, Phil Collins

"I've been a big Genesis fan ever since their release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that I really didn't understand any of their work. It was too artsy. Too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins presence became more apparent. I think "Invisible Touch" is the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums... Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument.

In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism... Take the lyrics to "Land of Confusion." In this song Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. "In Too Deep" is the most moving pop song of the 1980's, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. The lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock.

Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial, and therefore more satisfying in a narrower way. Especially songs like "In the Air Tonight" and "Against All Odds." But I also think that Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group than as a solo artist. And I stress the word ARTIST. This is "Sussudio." A great, great song. A personal favorite."

Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston

"Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply Whitney Houston, had four number one singles on it? ...It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks. But "The Greatest Love Of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation and dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves... It's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others. We can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message. Crucial really... And it's beautifully stated on the album."

Obscure Beauty: Images (1972)

2011-09-09T21:30:00.001-05:00

"In Search of Unicorns"

Profiles in Greatness: Beverly R. Sutphin

2011-09-09T21:00:00.024-05:00

BEVERLY R. SUTPHIN

in
John Waters' SERIAL MOM (1994)

"The only 'serial' I know anything about is Rice Krispies!"

LIKES...

Family
Manners and etiquette
Harassing phone calls

"Is this 4-2-1-5 Pussy Way?
Now let me check the zip code:
2-1-2-Fuck you?!"

Barry Manilow (seminal single: "Daybreak")
Cult classic Blood Feast
Bird watching

"Officers, life doesn't have to be ugly.

Look at the birds out there...
Listen to their call.
Whoo-ee! Whoo-ee! Whoo-ee!"

Dental hygiene
Socially conscious murder (see: wholesome homicide)
Recycling

"I have told her and told her.
It takes ninety to a hundred years
for a tin can to decompose...
And she STILL won't recycle."

Pussywillows
Collectibles
Charles Manson

DISLIKES...

Flies
Gnats
Dottie Hinkle

Be kind, always rewind (your VHS rentals of Ghost Dad and Annie)
"Premiere" Magazine

"I don't like to read about movies. They're SO violent."

The cable TV company ("You know how THEY are.")
Gum ("Misty, you know how I hate gum. All that chomping and chewing...")

"Shit!" ("Chip, you know how I hate the brown word.")
Not buckling up ("You know for somebody who doesn't wear his seat belt, Scotty sure is nosy.")
Fashion faux pas

This Labor Day week we remember Beverly Sutphin, suburban mother at large. May we also heed her advice that, NO, fashion HASN'T changed. Much like Suzanne Somers, fashion takes it step by step, day by day...

Previous PROFILES IN GREATNESS:

Jessie Todd and Male Hustlers

Obscure Beauty: Morvern Callar (2002)

2011-09-08T16:00:00.000-05:00

"This is dedicated to the one I love..."

Invasion of the Retro Posters!

2011-08-31T14:05:00.010-05:00

Jenny Gets on Top

"An expose of the record business!"

Her single --
and her short shorts
-- are about to drop!

Zapped

Charles (more literally) in Charge

Whirlpool

"She died with her boots on...
and not much else."

Deserved.
Who goes into a whirlpool with their boots on?

Teenage Mother

Starring:

Female Trouble's Dawn Davenport!

Love Airlines

"At last you can come aboard!"

The nuts and nuts are complimentary.

New entries into the
TITLE HALL OF FAME...

Come Ride the Wild Pink Horse

"Bored, thrill-hungry...
They shop for sin!"

They're a little old to be
riding the mechanical horse at the grocery store...

Diary of Knockers McCalla

"A book so hot its cover should be made of asbestos!"

Sample Diary Entry:

"If I get married, no one will ever take my name..."

Auteur Update

2011-08-31T12:34:00.021-05:00

The Skin I Live In (La piel que habito) is said to be Pedro Almodovár's "horror" film. As is typical of his career though, that genre can barely define or contain his style and sense of humor. The style of the trailer is another topic altogether. The soundtrack pops and veers over absurd imagery involving tiger suits and basement hose downs. While it seems to give away some bigger plot points, its manic meld more or less conjures questions like, "What the hell was that all about?" As should be expected, the mood is dazzling, the colors pop, and Pedro's storyline seems to soar and startle in equal measure.

Antonio Banderas returns for his sixth collaboration with Almodovár, a place where he's found his most fruitful roles to date (apologies to the Puss in Boots fans). I didn't create and dutifully enforce "The Law of Desire for Antonio Banderas" without damn fine reason...

It should be interesting to see if he once again falls into the mold of playing completely lovable psychotics, such as the sensual stalkers of Law of Desire and Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!, or his gentle attempted rapist from Matador. Being a man is more than enough to make him seem dastardly in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. (And Labyrinth of Passion remains my one unseen Pedro picture, considering it's caught in the labyrinth of unreleased titles in the US.) Playing with guns, making skin suits and abducting pretty ladies is enough to verify Banderas' psychotic side, and he does look lovely as ever.

Paredes, Banderas, Almodovár and Anaya at Cannes

His lovely leading ladies are played by Elena Anaya (Talk to Her) and fellow Almodovár veteran Marisa Paredes (All About My Mother, The Flower of My Secret, High Heels), while cinematographer José Luis Alcaine has captured some of Pedro's most seductive and sensational images with Volver, Bad Education, and Antonio Banderas naked in Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! It promises to be a horror film with heart... clad in a skintight tiger suit.

David Cronenberg's A Dangerous Method looks to pair the the heated psychosexual dueling (and dualing) of Dead Ringers with a historical period piece. However, if this trailer were a Rorschach blot all anyone would see is Oscar-bait. That generic music swell completely stifles the madness and masochism we know is more to Cronenberg's style. It's a safe method I suppose to avoid the more sordid subplots with eyes on the acting prize, but this trailer couldn't be more confining if it were a corset.

You don't need a monocle to see that Michael Fassbender makes for a dashing lead as Carl Jung, tightly tailored and touting an oddly entrancing moustache. Together with Cronenberg favorite, a dapper Viggo Mortensen (as Sigmund Freud), well... One can only hope they experience a Freudian slip.

Oh, and Keira something or other is all messed up in the head... It seems to have all the period opulence with even more opulent actors, and enough headplay to burst your head Scanners-style. But that's just my professional opinion.

Psychology Quiz:

Jung or Freud?

Something Rank (#4)

2011-08-30T15:30:00.015-05:00

4 Fiends, 36 Feuds, Frequent Flaying

Previous Entries:
(#36-33) (#32-29) (#28-25)
(#24-21) (#20-17) (#16-15)
(#14-13) (#12-11) (#10-9)
(#8-7) (#6-5)

(#4) Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

"Miss me?" - Freddy Krueger

Wes Craven's razor sharp return is a film-within-a-film-within-a-franchise. A meta horror exercise that directly recalls those halcyon days when we first met Freddy Krueger. Once a janitor spoken of only in hushed tones on the playground is now an icon spoken of with such high regard by his leading actress. A bedtime boogeyman having reached the heights of Santa Clause or King Kong.

Freddy Krueger has expanded beyond the dreams of Craven and into the nightmares of filmgoers across the decades. But with that revelation comes the knowledge that Freddy's grotesqueries have also become like a recurring dream. Some scares maybe, but we all saw it coming. Over the years the restless nights of Elm Street teens seemed more and more to the fault of a clumpy mattress. With a deviously clever device in mind, Craven strives to make the ultimate fanboy revival and finally put the series to slumber. Acknowledging its own historical horror legacy, fully embracing its fanbase, and bringing back its original cast -- as we know them now and as their iconic characters -- Wes Craven's New Nightmare goes through the looking glass of the original Nightmare film, through the ground glass of a fresh lens.

Heather Langenkamp plays Heather Langenkamp as she deals with her own hesitations of reviving Nightmare's original Final Girl, Nancy, and rejoining the grisly franchise now as a parent. Meanwhile, genre veteran Robert Englund digs his claws into Freddy both old and new. He paints himself as a reclusive LA painter and a freshly menacing Freddy that splatters Tinseltown blood red. John Saxon, too, returns to once again scowl on the sidelines, supporting his co-star Heather, but disapproving still of his on-screen daughter, "Freddy Krueger. Yeah, right..." New Nightmare continually folds in on itself, shredding realities, leaving Freddy to rule the realms with his iron fist.

As Nightmare's ultimate creative force, Craven also folds himself into the film's many meta layers, preparing within the film a script for Freddy's final face-off. He speaks of writing Freddy throughout the years as, "Keeping the genie in the bottle." All the while the monster has surpassed its creator and is squeezing through the celluloid cracks into our "reality." The Craven within the film would be pleased to know he's written one of his most sophisticated screenplays, one that saw the self-referential suspense of Scream several years earlier. It's worth every bad dream he had.

With Wes Craven's New Nightmare we finally have a savvy satire of the Nightmare franchise, and an innovative horror film just the same. One that surprises and startles even as it embraces its tongue-in-cheek nature. Quite literally given Freddy's love for tongue action (he makes another dirty phone call and is rightfully tongue tied over the lovely Miss Langenkamp). It's also a unique spin on a classic fairy tale -- a morbidly modern variation on Hansel & Gretel. Think Ambien instead of bread crumbs, and a gothic, rotten candy house with a spacious oven. Freddy Krueger, like the child-hungry witch, is still a legend worthy of the playground. While Freddy may have overshadowed his master, Wes Craven's still a true master of horror.

The Face of Fear:

Killer Looks:

1) Freddy Krueger:
Post-surgery and pleased with his new look.

2) Robert Englund:
At home and at the office.

3) Swallowing the Heavens
4) Vomiting into Hell

My Thoughts Exactly...

Up Next: #3

The janitor cleans up after those damn, filthy kids...

Virgin Viewings: Not Undead In Bed

2011-06-29T12:15:00.008-05:00

L.A. Zombie (2010)

"written" and directed by Bruce LaBruce

Times are HARD on the Boulevard.

Well fuck my still beating heart... I don't often find myself reviewing art/gore/porn films. Nor films wherein a still beating heart is liable to get fucked. Never doubt the curiosities of current filmmakers. Mildly-notorious queer moviemaker Bruce LaBruce is back with his unique cultural commentary by way of hardcore sex and splatter. My commentary: there's no way Francois Sagat would be homeless in LA for long. He'd quickly be cast in a film much like this one.

"When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk..."
Sunset Boulevard with their dicks out.

Adult gay film thespian Francois Sagat stars as a schizophrenic homeless man with washboard abs and a tattooed skullcap left adrift in the City of Angels. Believing himself to be a zombie (alien? demon?), Sagat feels free to consume amidst all the vast concrete consumerism. Crash victims, corrupt businessmen and the shanty town homeless... No one is spared LaBruce's sideline commentary or Sagat's undead violation. In the spirit of Romero's Dawn of the Dead, replacing its Monroeville Mall setting with a soiled mattress in the LA River. Social satire cum actual cum shots. Deep penetration with illusions of going deeper. Truth is it might just be about a really hot homeless man having sex with corpses. Or a film about Francois Sagat walking around LA with a boner and grumpy face.

For LaBruce it seems a "pointed" film and thus so is Sagat's demon/zombie member that spews blood upon climax. It's more playful fetish material for those who thought the Nekromantik films were lacking in explicit gay sex (I know I did) and some nods toward topical issues. It certainly begs the topic of what makes for sufficient erotic material. Plenty of members, some of them dismembered.

This is all for arousal but equally a critique of that. Protruding fangs and genitals airbrushed in aqua makeup, soaked in plasma. You haven't seen this many open wounds being pounded since David Cronenberg's Crash. Beautiful men with fresh gaping holes, although some of them bloody and caused by bullets, in your garden variety XXX porn scenarios. But an admirable variation has its hot and sweaty scenes take place outside the auto shop and inside the cardboard box of a dead homeless man. Socially conscious gay porn.

Erection, revulsion, pretension, repeat. The obvious visual appeal is spread evenly with all things repellent. Yet perhaps that's the point of all this for Bruce LaBruce -- other than having a more legit reason for Francois Sagat hanging out naked on set. If you're busy flogging, his films would like to flog back.